Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
