My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
