dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
