I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Randomize
