i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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