Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
