I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
i came on her dog
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
