i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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