I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
