1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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