Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
