This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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