If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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