he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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