Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
