turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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