Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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