I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
