I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
it was like eating out sand paper
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
