That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
