I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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