i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
