woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
