On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
