i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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