Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
