If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
i now understand why vodka
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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