I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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