the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
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