I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
