is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
