Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Randomize
