yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
