took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
