I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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