we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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