to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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