i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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