Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
