i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
