How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
