I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
