just come out here and I will go home with you...
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
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