Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
