So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
