So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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