this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
