He disabled his match.com account in front of me
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
This house was built for laser tag.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
