You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I was not drunk enough for that final.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
