Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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