All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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