I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
