We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
