i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
