I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
